Ignore the holiday hype! Have a realistic holiday

Volunteering is a great way to create meaning and connect

Meta Description: Have a realistic holiday. Be kind to yourself and others. Discover personal effective strategies to combat holiday loneliness. Learn how to manage holiday loneliness with proven tips.

Have a realistic holiday this year. On social media and in advertising, we are inundated with lots of images of holiday joy, family gatherings, and celebrations. Adjust your expectations to suit your actual life, practice self-care by coming up with a plan to modify what you can, and love yourself enough to turn off the imagery on social media.

For many people, what is portrayed on socail media and by advertising is not their actual reality. Remember, be kind to yourself, Because, realistically, whatever you have, is enough. You are enough. What you have is enough.

For many, the hype around the holidays can exacerbate feelings of loneliness and sadness, even depression. The contrast between the festive atmosphere and personal feelings of isolation can make the holidays especially difficult.

Personal Story: Sarah’s Silent Holiday

Sarah, a 32-year-old graphic designer, moved to a new city just before the holidays. With no family nearby and few friends, she found herself spending Christmas Eve alone in her small apartment. The festive decorations in shop windows and the laughter from nearby parties only deepened her sense of isolation. She recalls, “I felt invisible, like I was watching the holiday from behind a glass wall.” Sarah’s experience is common among those who relocate or lose social connections, highlighting how physical separation can intensify loneliness.

What do you think Sarah could have done to help her feelings of sadness?

Discover Five Self-Help Ways to Manage Loneliness During the Holidays

Feeling lonely during the holidays is a real challenge, but there are effective ways to help manage these emotions. Research in psychology and mental health provides guidance on how to cope and find moments of connection and peace.

1. Affirm that Life is Worth Living, Even if There is Pain

Your relationship with yourself needs to be acknowledged and nurtured. Be kind to yourself and practice positive self-talk.

My favorite affirmation is borrowed from Marsha Linehan, Ph.D, the creator of Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT).

Dr. Linehan says that it's unrealistic to believe that life is devoid of pain. Acceptance of the reality of some pain in living is a sign of maturity and emotional growth.

Of course there is a balance between acceptance and change. You don't have to accept continuous emotional suffering. You can identify what you can change and move forward. But what this affirmation does though, is remind us that pain is part of life is an indication of emotional balance, acceptance and wisdom. 

2. Reach Out and Build Connections

Isolation worsens loneliness, so reaching out to others is crucial. This can mean reconnecting with old friends, joining community groups, or volunteering. A study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that social support significantly reduces feelings of loneliness and depression during stressful times (Holt-Lunstad et al., 2015).

• Join local holiday events or community centers

• Volunteer at shelters or food banks to meet others and contribute positively

• Use technology to connect with distant loved ones through video calls or messages

• If you can afford it, travel to see your family or friends

  
  
  
  

3. Establish New Traditions

Creating new holiday rituals can provide a sense of control and comfort. This might include cooking a favorite meal, watching a special movie, or starting a personal project. The project can be work related, or a creative hobby or craft. According to research in the Journal of Positive Psychology, engaging in meaningful activities boosts emotional well-being and reduces loneliness (Fredrickson et al., 2008).

Believe it or not, taking care of yourself with small, everyday pleasures boost mood and even the immune response!

• Plan a self-care day with wellness activities you enjoy, such as forest bathing, Pilates class, or an actual aromatic bath

• Start a gratitude journal focusing on positive moments each day

• Explore new hobbies that bring joy and distraction

  
  

4. Practice Mindfulness and Self-Compassion

Mindfulness helps people stay present and reduce negative thoughts about loneliness. Self-compassion encourages kindness toward oneself during difficult times. A clinical trial in Mindfulness journal showed that mindfulness-based interventions decrease symptoms of depression and loneliness (Creswell, 2017).

• Use guided meditation apps focused on mindfulness

• Practice breathing exercises to calm anxiety

• Speak to yourself with kindness, acknowledging that loneliness is a common human experience

  
  

5. Seek Professional Support When Needed

Sometimes, loneliness and depression require professional help. Therapists can provide coping tools and emotional support. The American Psychological Association emphasizes that therapy can be especially helpful during the holidays when feelings of sadness intensify (APA, 2020).

• Contact mental health professionals for counseling or support groups

• Explore online therapy options if in-person visits are difficult

• Reach out to crisis helplines if feelings become overwhelming

Moving Forward with Hope

The holiday season can be a difficult time for those facing loneliness and depression, but it also offers opportunities for healing and connection. Sarah's stories remind us that these feelings are valid and shared by many. By reaching out, creating new traditions, practicing mindfulness, and seeking support, it is possible to find light even in the darkest moments.

If you or someone you know struggles with loneliness during the holidays, consider trying one of the strategies above. Small steps can lead to meaningful change and help transform the holiday experience into one of hope and resilience.

If you are in New Jersey, you can reach out to Kathy Morelli, LPC, as she is currently accepting new clients and practices online using the HIPAA-compliant app called Doxy.me. Kathy accepts most insurance plans.

Please contact Kathy via her Psychology Today profile.

References

• Holt-Lunstad, J., Smith, T. B., Baker, M., Harris, T., & Stephenson, D. (2015). Loneliness and social isolation as risk factors for mortality: A meta-analytic review. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 32(2), 243-266.

• Fredrickson, B. L., Tugade, M. M., Waugh, C. E., & Larkin, G. R. (2008). What good are positive emotions in crises? A prospective study of resilience and emotions following the terrorist attacks on the United States on September 11th, 2001. Journal of Positive Psychology, 3(2), 93-101.

• Creswell, J. D. (2017). Mindfulness interventions. Annual Review of Psychology, 68, 491-516.

• American Psychological Association. (2020). Coping with holiday stress. Retrieved from https://www.apa.org/topics/stress-holidays