5 Things I Often Say in Therapy (And Why They Matter)

Over the years, certain phrases come up again and again in my office. They aren’t slogans. They aren’t quick fixes. They are reminders of how real psychological growth actually unfolds.

Here are five things I say often — and what I mean by them.

If you’re curious about the research behind why therapy works, I explore the evidence in What Makes Therapy Successful? Eight Evidence-Based Keys.

5 things I often say in therapy - Hint: they're not slogans

1. This is not a quick fix.

Therapy is not a dramatic breakthrough moment where everything suddenly makes sense and life changes overnight.

Growth tends to happen in layers. Sometimes you work intensely for a period of time, integrate what you’ve learned, go live your life with your new perspectives - and then return when you’re ready to go deeper.

That rhythm is normal.

2. You will get out of it what you put into it.

Therapy is collaborative. If you walk in ready to explore something honestly, we can co-create meaningful goals.

For example, you say you have anxiety and some panic attacks. First, we’ll take a look at what causes that? Anxiety, for example, can stem from many different sources:

• A single traumatic event

• Long-term childhood stress

• Relationship strain

• Chronic overwhelm in your current life

• A dysregulated nervous system

These different causative factors require different treatment approaches. Together, we’ll come up with a customized treatment plan.

And if resistance shows up, that's ok. But that’s information as well…Why do you feel resistant? What are you defending?

3. Notice your inner critic

Who has imposed such critical and high standards for you?

Who is that voice? Where does that feeling reside in your body?

A simple exercise to see if your inner critic wreaks havoc in your life is to get your journal or notebook or phone and write notes on what your inner chatter is saying for two hours a day, for three days.

Many clients are surprised by how harsh their inner critics are.

Would you speak to a friend that way?

Often that critical voice was learned somewhere — a parent, a teacher, a cultural expectation.

It lives in the body as tension, contraction, shame.

Awareness is the first step toward softening it.

4. We all have different parts residing inside of us, composing our authentic self.

If there is a part of you that is angry and defensive, maybe that part of you is there for a good reason. Maybe that part protected you during times of abuse or stress, when you weren’t able to cope directly with the situation or person. So, that’s ok. I’ll say, Let’s let that dominant part of you to recede and let the other part of you have some space to speak. That way, we get to the other parts of you that want expression or need to be heard.

5. You get to decide what meaning you make.

Yes, as an individual, it’s healthy to develop personal meaning to one’s circumstances.

t’s healthy to create a narrative around your life incidents and derived meaning from them.

Indeed, Viktor Frankel, a Holocaust Survivor and psychiatrist, in his experience and in his work, found that those who were able to hold onto meaning even in the unimaginable horror of the concentration camps were more likely to survive.

You cannot control many events. But you dohave influence over the meaning you buidl around events.

The meaning we ascribe to them can cause us great pain or joy or acceptance.

Closing

Therapy is not about perfection. It is about awareness, integration, and steady change.

Most of the work is not dramatic. It is subtle.

And subtle shifts, repeated over time, reshape a life.

If you’re considering therapy and are looking for a collaborative, evidence-informed approach, I offer integrative counseling via secure telehealth.