Dialectical Behavior Therapy: Finding Balance Between Acceptance and Change
- Natasha Tanic
- 8 hours ago
- 5 min read
We all experience moments when our mood suddenly shifts, our emotional reactions seem out of proportion, or we simply feel overwhelmed by our feelings and unable to control them. It could be sadness or guilt that lingers too long. Anxiety that keeps us awake. Or anger that comes out sharper than intended. Sometimes we're so stressed out that even small things completely drain us.
However, for some, these deep emotional reactions are not just overwhelming but also spill over into relationships, the workplace, and everyday life, creating cycles of conflict, guilt, resentment, and burnout. If your emotions feel too intense to manage, dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) can help you develop skills for calmness, connection, and clarity.
What is Dialectical Behavior Therapy?
Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) is a type of psychotherapy used to help people control overwhelming emotions, become more tolerant of stress, and improve relationships. DBT is one part of cognitive behavioral therapy, and, like CBT, it helps you learn to identify and change unhelpful patterns of thinking and behaving. However, DBT also helps you learn to accept yourself as you are.
The word dialectical means bringing together two theoretically opposing ideas: acceptance and change. Working with a DBT therapist can teach you to accept yourself as you are, while also building new skills that help you grow and make positive changes. DBT doesn't teach you to ignore or erase emotions but how to understand, regulate, and respond to them in healthier ways.
Psychologist Dr. Marsha Linehan first developed dialectical behavior therapy in the late 1980s to support adult women with borderline personality disorder (BPD). However, DBT later proved extremely helpful for other mental health and behavioral problems, such as anxiety, depression, trauma, stress, anger issues, and relationship challenges.
How DBT Can Help When Emotions Feel Too Big
You may often find yourself overwhelmed by emotions, as if they are bigger than you. Perhaps you react in ways that don't always make sense—you freeze during conflict, lash out when you're hurt, or suddenly feel crushed by sadness. You may find yourself insecure in your relationships, needing constant reassurance and validation to feel safe. Or, you may turn to harmful coping strategies such as binge eating or drinking, substance use, overspending, or self-harm. Maybe it feels that these responses help soothe intolerable feelings in the moment.  But they might leave you feeling guilty, ashamed, or isolated afterward.
If that sounds familiar, it’s important to remember that you are not broken—your reactions are signals of deep emotional pain, and there are gentle, effective ways to learn how to hold and heal.
The Unique Balance Between Acceptance and Change
DBT offers practical skills to validate what you're experiencing without judgment, while building healthier coping and communication strategies. For example, you can feel uncertain and still take a step forward on your healing journey. You can feel insecure and still stand up for yourself. You can feel broken inside and still be worthy of love.
The Four Core DBT Skill Areas
DBT gives you real-life tools to manage strong emotions, improve communication, and respond to stress in healthier ways. In your DBT sessions, you will not only talk about your problems, but also learn how to cope with them.
Dialectical behavior therapy focuses on four essential skill categories:
Mindfulness
Mindfulness practice is at the core of DBT. You learn to stay present in the moment and observe your thoughts and feelings without judgment, so you notice when they become unhelpful or overwhelming. This helps break the cycle of anxiety and restore calm.
Emotion Regulation
DBT helps you have a better understanding of your emotions. You learn to recognize and name your feelings, gradually developing skills to manage intense feelings without feeling out of control.
Distress Tolerance
There will be moments when feelings feel almost unbearable. Distress tolerance skills are about helping you "ride the wave"—notice, accept, and express emotions without letting them swamp you. Just like ocean waves, you learn to let your feelings naturally rise, peak, and then settle while you remain grounded—whether you're facing panic, intense anger, flashbacks, or deep emotional pain.
Interpersonal Effectiveness
When you experience anxiety, depression, or trauma, this can leave marks on everything, including your relationships. Vulnerability may seem unbearable, leading you to withdraw when things feel too close. Interpersonal effectiveness helps you open up to vulnerability, set healthy boundaries, and assertively ask for what you need while respecting yourself and others.
By practicing these skills, you learn to acknowledge, pause, reflect, and choose how you want to respond, rather than feeling like your emotions are controlling you.
How DBT Fits into a Holistic Approach?
At Heartlife Holistic, healing is about caring for the whole person—mind, body, and spirit. DBT naturally fits into this approach because it focuses not only on managing symptoms but also on building awareness, compassion, and resilience.
DBT integrates mindfulness practices that help you stay grounded, self-compassion techniques that quiet the inner critic, and communication skills that nurture healthier relationships. When combined with other holistic practices, DBT helps your mind, body, and heart find stability, ease, and peace.
Common Challenges DBT Can Help With
Dialectical Behavior Therapy is often recommended for people who struggle with intense emotions and the ripple effects they create in daily life. DBT is especially helpful for:
Emotional overwhelm and mood swings
Anxiety and depression
Trauma-related struggles
Relationship conflict
Impulsivity and self-sabotaging behaviors
By teaching skills to slow down, manage emotions, and respond with more clarity, DBT helps break these patterns so life feels less like constant damage control and more like intentional living.
Ready to Get Started with DBT for Emotional Healing?
If you often feel overwhelmed by emotions that seem too powerful to manage, find yourself repeating unhealthy patterns, or struggle with relationships, working with a trained DBT therapist can give you the skills for coping and navigating life's ups and downs with more clarity, resilience, and self-kindness.
Integrated into a holistic wellness—alongside mindfulness, movement, and nourishing self-care—DBT offers a path to greater balance while you learn to embrace both acceptance and change.
Interested in working with a therapist who embraces a holistic approach to ensure your mental, emotional, and physical well-being is supported? Contact Kathy Morelli, LPCÂ today to learn more or schedule a free consultation.
References
Corliss, J. (2024, January 22). Dialectical behavior therapy: What is it and who can it help? Harvard Health. Retrieved on August 18, 2025, from https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/dialectical-behavior-therapy-what-is-it-and-who-can-it-help-202401223009
Chapman, A. L. (2006). Dialectical behavior therapy: Current indications and unique elements. Psychiatry (Edgmont), 3(9), 62–68. Retrieved on August 18, 2025, from https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC2963469/
Rizvi, S. L., Bitran, A. M., Oshin, L. A., Yin, Q., & Ruork, A. K. (2024). The state of the science: Dialectical behavior therapy. Behavior Therapy, 55(6), 1233–1248. Retrieved on August 19, 2025, from https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0005789424000303
Swales, M. A. (2009). Dialectical Behaviour Therapy: Description, research and future directions.International Journal of Behavioral Consultation and Therapy, 5(2), 164–177. Retrieved on August 19, 2025, from https://psycnet.apa.org/fulltext/2010-18457-001.html
Eeles, J., & Walker, D. M. (2022). Mindfulness as taught in dialectical behavior therapy: A scoping review. Clinical Psychology & Psychotherapy, 29(6), 1843–1853.Retrieved on August 19, 2025, from https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC10084181/