Am I Dating a Narcissist? 3 Ways to Tell

Does you relationhsip feel comfortable?

Relationships should be built on a mutually beneficial foundation. The goal should be to desire the best for each other and to help build your partner up whenever they’re feeling low. However, a relationship with someone who has narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) results in the opposite.

Those with NPD believe themselves to be superior to others and expect to be treated as such. If you’re in a relationship with a narcissist, you may find yourself verbally beaten down, sometimes in such a backhanded manner that you don’t realize the emotional toll that your partner has placed on you until your self-esteem feels unsalvageable.

If you’re in a relationship with a narcissist, there is hope. Counseling can help you rebuild what they tried to break, allowing you to come out of the relationship stronger.

3 Signs That You’re in a Relationship with a Narcissist

Recognizing that you’re in a relationship with a narcissist is the first step in reclaiming your life outside of their shadow. The following are three common signs:

They Were (Initially) Very Charming

If your partner was excessively charming at the beginning of your relationship, it may be a sign of narcissism. This is because those with NPD gravitate toward grandiosity and fantasy. This means that in the beginning, they may compliment you constantly, tell you they love you early in the relationship, or emphasize compatibility even if you’ve only just started seeing each other.

If the charm then transforms into constant teasing and hostility, this may be another sign of narcissism. They may have a problem with what you wear, who you hang out with, or even what you eat. This may manifest as them calling you names, putting you down, and making jokes that aren’t funny.

They Inflate Their Superiority

Those with narcissism take every opportunity to talk about and bask in their superiority. This may mean that they exaggerate their achievements and talk excessively about their accomplishments. As a result, they may be so busy talking about themselves that they cannot listen to you. This may also mean that they require a lot of praise from you and may fish for compliments.

They Have Few Close Friends

Those with NPD often have frequent conflicts with others, which can result in them having few (or no) long-term friends.

If you’re in a relationship with a narcissist, you may also find yourself disconnecting from your friends. This is because those with NPD are often insecure and may lash out if you want to hang out with other people. It’s common for them to make you feel guilty for not spending enough time with them, or they may criticize the friends you have.

I Think I’m in a Relationship with a Narcissist, Now What?

If you suspect that you’re in a relationship with a narcissist, it can be difficult to extricate yourself. Those with NPD often lash out when their partners try to leave them because of the hit to their self-esteem.

To prepare for the breakup, remind yourself that you deserve better, build a support network of friends and family, and encourage your partner to talk to a therapist.

It can also be helpful for you to see a therapist, yourself, to work through the damage that being in a relationship with a narcissist has caused. Psychotherapy, in particular, can help you heal and rebuild your self-esteem. Kathy Morelli, LPC, incorporates mindfulness into her counseling sessions to help you focus on your emotional needs, rather than consistently worrying about your partner’s feelings.

Your relationship may feel like a endless tunnel, but there’s a light at the end, and you’re nearly there.

References

Caligor, E., Levy, K. N., & Yeomans, F. E. (2015). Narcissistic Personality Disorder: Diagnostic and Clinical Challenges. American Journal of Psychiatry, 172(5), 415–422. https://doi.org/10.1176/appi.ajp.2014.14060723

‌

Wurst, S. N., Gerlach, T. M., Dufner, M., Rauthmann, J. F., Grosz, M. P., Küfner, A. C. P., Denissen, J. J. A., & Back, M. D. (2017). Narcissism and romantic relationships: The differential impact of narcissistic admiration and rivalry. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 112(2), 280–306. https://doi.org/10.1037/pspp0000113