Identifying a Narcissist: 3 Traits of NPD

Narcissists are obsessed with themselves, but pretend to be obsessed with you

Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is a unique mental health condition wherein those around an individual with NPD often suffer just as much (if not more) than the person with the mental health condition itself.

Those with NPD are more than arrogant or selfish; they treat themselves and others differently due to their struggles with failure or rejection. They have a need to impress others or feel important, and this need can be so strong that it can drive harmful behaviors that then negatively affect the individual with NPD and the mental health of those around them.

Traits of Narcissistic Personality Disorder

It’s not always just arrogance, and the way your partner’s comments are carefully crafted to slowly degrade your self-esteem and mental health may not be in your head. The following are three key traits of narcissistic personality disorder to watch for in your partner.

Trait #1: A Grandiose Sense of Self-Importance

Individuals with NPD tend to overestimate their capabilities, believing they can accomplish more than their prior experiences have shown to be true. They also hold themselves to unreasonably high standards and react poorly if they fall short of their expectations. But when they do fall short, the narcissist will most definitely deflect from themselves and scapegoat others. This is a repetitive pattern and it happens every time. Narcissists love to cast blame and love the word YOU.

When they do achieve a task, those with NPD often brag about it, or may even exaggerate in order to seem as though they accomplished more than they did. Along with these exaggerations, they believe they are special or unique, and may feel as though they should only associate with those they see as worthy.

Trait #2: A Need for Admiration

A common trait of those with NPD is fragile self-esteem, which is why they are so reliant upon the praise of others. Their experience of a sense of self is a sense of hollowness and unworthiness. Those with NPD often succumb to self-doubt or self-criticism due to their preoccupation with what others think of them. They are often envious of others, especially of others’ success, and in retaliation, they may belittle or diminish the achievements of others.

In order to appease these negative feelings, those with NPD often fish for compliments. They may also exhibit patronizing behavior or talk down to others in order to place themselves on a higher pedestal. They also expect favorable treatment and can become angry when people fail to cater to or appease them.

This need for admiration may drive individuals with NPD toward perfectionism and a hypersensitivity to any type of criticism and the need to place blame on others,

Trait #3: Lack of Empathy

Those with NPD often lack empathy and are more concerned with their achievements and feelings than those of others. As such, they may say things that hurt others or fail to reciprocate the kindness or interest that others show.

People with NPD may also view the feelings, desires, or needs of others as a sign of weakness and may deliberately take advantage of others for selfish reasons.

Take Care of Yourself

If you’re in a relationship, whether romantic, friendly, or familial, with someone that you suspect has NPD, don’t hesitate to reach out for help for yourself—being close to someone with NPD can be damaging for your mental health, and you don’t need to endure this alone.

Psychotherapy can help you build your emotional resilience against harmful narcissistic traits, as well as learn skills to extricate yourself from the relationship. Kathy Morelli, LPC, focuses on the mind-body connection of counseling to aid in healing and can help you tend to your emotional needs.

References

Levy, K. N., & Rosenstein, L. K. (2020). Narcissistic Personality Disorder. The Wiley Encyclopedia of Personality and Individual Differences, 109–114. https://doi.org/10.1002/9781118970843.ch282

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Caligor, E., Levy, K. N., & Yeomans, F. E. (2015). Narcissistic Personality Disorder: Diagnostic and Clinical Challenges. American Journal of Psychiatry, 172(5), 415–422. https://doi.org/10.1176/appi.ajp.2014.14060723

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