6 DBT Skills to Nurture Your Mental Health During the Holiday Rush

This post reflects how I personally use DBT skills during high-stress seasons. It is an illustration of using DBT in a lived experience.

Lots of us get flustered during the busy holiday season. If you’re already coping with challenges such as grief, depression, anxiety, PTSD, or bipolar disorder, staying grounded in healthy routines becomes even more important.

As I started thinking about cooking for Thanksgiving—something I usually enjoy—I noticed myself feeling unexpectedly irritable. I didn’t want the extra shopping and planning when I had writing projects and professional goals I was eager to focus on.

So I paused and asked myself: What can I do about this mix of time pressure and irritability?

What follows is how I used DBT skills in real time—and perhaps some of these ideas will be helpful to you as well.

Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) skills aren’t meant to live on a worksheet—they’re meant to be used in the middle of real life, when emotions are activated and time is limited.

Lived DBT skills are what it looks like to notice a reaction, pause, and apply a skill imperfectly but intentionally. This post reflects how I use DBT skills during a high-stress season, not to eliminate feelings, but to work with them and stay grounded in what matters.

If you’re new to DBT or would like a deeper overview of these skills, you can explore more in the DBT section of Integrative Mental Health.

Follow along. Maybe these ideas will help you as well.

1. DBT: Turning the Mind: Deciding to Accept I Could Do Something About How I Felt

The first thing I did was turn my mind away from the idea that I couldn’t do anything about how I felt. I made a choice to decide. I made a choice. A choice to decide to realize I could accept I had running thoughts and feelings and that I could do something about this.

In DBT, this internal shift is called Turning the Mind. It’s the moment you decide to move away from repetitive, squirrel-like thoughts and toward acceptance and problem-solving.

I accepted that I felt irritable, chose not to stay overwhelmed, and then asked what might actually lower my stress level.

2. DBT Wise Mind: Reduce the Cacophony of Distraction.

I took a moment, and using the DBT skill of Wise Mind, I decided to pare down my schedule to an enjoyable dull roar. Using Wise Mind is to make decisions from a blend of emotion and logic. I needed to look at how my emotions were getting me all worked up. I made a list of what I really wanted to do this holiday season, personally and professionally.

I came up with a Personal List and a Professional List.

As I wrote these lists up, I realized I there was nothing else I could add in this time period before January 2019.

Now that I wrote these tasks down and pared it down to reality, the season doesn’t seem so overwhelming. Plus, I took a look at my calendar and I’m going to reschedule the unnecessary that I can and move them to January.

Wise Mind helps balance emotional urgency with practical decision-making. You can read more about this core DBT skill here.

3. Mindfulness: Practice Mindful Living in the Moment

Mindfulness is everywhere lately. What is mindfulness? To me, it’s slowing down to live in the moment. It’s slowing down to savor the love in my life, the good things in my life. Yes, pausing to see the sky is beautiful...the color of trees is extraordinary this year. Eating more slowly to really taste and appreciate my food, whether it’s my weekly treat of a Caramel Brûlée, a lean turkey sandwich or homemade lentil-potato-kale soup. Yum. Slow down and love your life.

4. Interpersonal Effectiveness: Hold the Politics. Enjoy Your Friends and Relatives. It’s Later Than You Think.

To be socially skillful at a dinner party, put discussion of stressful political situations on the back burner. i’m finding that many people aren’t interested in changing their minds, so don’t try to get them to do so. Reach out and talk about other topics in social situations. I agree there is a need for activism. But depoliticizing human relationships is more productive than politicizing everything. Preserving your familial, friendship and community bonds is powerful. I went to a party where the hostess specifically asked us not to discuss politics. Yes, there were lots of other things to talk about and it felt good to be in the company of old friends!

DBT’s interpersonal effectiveness skills are designed to preserve relationships and self-respect, especially during emotionally charged moments.

5. Mastery: Choose to Feed the White Wolf

The grandson asked his grandfather, “Which wolf wins?”

The Cherokee replied, “The one you feed.”

Resentments, jealousies and pettiness is normal when you are human! We can let these emotions fester inside of us, or we can choose to commit to developing character. Mastery of our chosen goal requires following through on this commitment every day to master humility, kindness, civility, honesty, and excellence in your work and personal life. Yes, it’s a daily, ongoing effort of choice to feed the white wolf.

6. Practice Lovingkindness

For all its sham and drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.

Strive to be happy.

Max Ehrmann

Open your heart to joy and let yourself feel the intentions of the lovingkindness words below.

May I be happy. May I be well. May I be safe. May I be peaceful and at ease.

May you be happy.

May you be well.

May you be safe.

May all living beings live in peace.

Peace on Earth, Good Will to All Men.

You may also want to read another post on protecting your mental health during the holiday season.