DARVO, Sexual Abuse, and Gaslighting: How Power Silences Survivors
- Kathy Morelli
- Mar 2, 2021
- 7 min read
Updated: Feb 12
This article is not about political ideology or agreement with any agenda. It is about the psychological dynamics of power, silence, and gaslighting—particularly as they relate to sexual abuse and the ways survivors are discredited when they speak.
In a widely viewed public testimony, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez spoke openly for the first time about being a survivor of sexual assault. She explained that she was sharing this deeply personal experience because the power dynamics and trauma she endured as a survivor closely mirrored the gaslighting and reality distortion that followed the January 6th attack on the U.S. Capitol. In both cases, she described attempts to minimize harm, deny reality, and silence those who were impacted.
By naming her experience without shame, Ms. Ocasio-Cortez illustrated how gaslighting and DARVO function not only in private abusive relationships, but also at a societal level—where power is used to distort reality and suppress the voices of survivors.
Gaslighting as a Tool of Power and Control
Gaslighting is a highly effective psychological technique that abusers use to maintain power and control in a relationship. Gaslighters use lies, diversion and love bombing, to groom the target to question his or her perception of reality. This happens gradually. The target starts to question his or her perceptions of reality and slowly cedes personal power, and hands control over to the abuser (Gordon, 2021).
Gaslighting happens on personal and political levels.
From Personal to Political Gaslighting
On a personal level, gaslighting has been defined as a psychological technique of the abuser. Sexual assault perpetrators use gaslighting so they do not get caught. They want to maintain power and control. Abusers want their victims to feel disempowered so they don’t speak out. Decades of research data show that being in a less powerful position in relationship and in society is why sexual assault survivors do not report (Ullman, 2010).
Political gaslighting is a lesser known phenomena. Political gaslighting has gained definition and recognition in the past twenty years. While the definition of political gaslighting is fluid, this concept has been incorporated into the legal arena as part of the larger definition of propaganda (Sinha, 2020; Welch, 2020).
Political gaslighting has been identified by psychologists and legal scholars as a subset of propaganda. Political gaslighting is a predatory blend of modern communication, marketing, and advertising techniques with propaganda. Political gaslighting serves to destabilize the psychological infrastructure of society by distorting reality and thus, exert control over large groups of people (Sinha, 2020; Welch, 2020).
What Is DARVO?
DARVO is a common response used by perpetrators when abuse is named. The term stands for Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender, and it describes a pattern that shifts attention away from harm and back onto the person who was harmed.
First, the perpetrator denies the behavior, claiming it did not happen or was misunderstood. Next, they attack the survivor’s credibility, labeling them as unstable, dishonest, or overly emotional. Finally, they reverse victim and offender, portraying themselves as the true victim while casting the survivor as the aggressor.
In cases of sexual abuse, DARVO is especially effective because it exploits existing power imbalances and social stigma. Survivors are already conditioned to fear disbelief and blame, and DARVO reinforces that fear by creating confusion and self-doubt.
DARVO is not miscommunication or defensiveness—it is a strategy that protects power and avoids accountability. Recognizing this pattern helps survivors maintain clarity, resist gaslighting, and hold onto their own reality.
Speaking Out: Naming Reality as Resistance
Content note: This video includes discussion of sexual assault.
This brief clip illustrates how survivors describe the overlap between personal and political trauma and broader patterns of gaslighting and denial.
Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez addresses both personal and political gaslighting in her testimony about the Capitol Insurrection of January 6, 2021. She wields her power in the personal and professional realms. She models self-care and self-respect.
As Ms. Ocasio-Cortez begins her account of the Capitol Riot, she reveals she is a sexual assault survivor. She goes on to say that she reveals this information because there are similarities between the power dynamics and trauma of the past sexual assault and the power dynamics and trauma of the January 6, 2010 violent assault.
She points out that the perpetrators/enablers of both events attempt to distort reality by gaslighting.
The sexual assault was supposed to be shameful for the victim, thus she kept quiet about it for years.
The enablers of the Capitol Riot came out and said the event was not traumatic and that it was no big deal.
But this time she says, “Not again”, and speaks out.
Reverse Gaslighting: Reclaiming Truth and Power
Reverse gaslighting is when an abuse survivor processes the deception and then owns her (or his) own reality and truth. This psychological process invalidates the lies of those who control by distorting reality. And it is a validation of personal power: relationally, professionally and in society.
Reverse gaslighting is saying “NO” to the gaslighters and “YES” to yourself.
Ms. Ocasio-Cortez recognizes the tactics that abusers use and says, “I’m not gonna let this happen to me again. Not again. I am speaking out.”
Reverse gaslighting is saying out loud: You are lying. That’s not what happened. I know my truth and I know what happened.
Ms. Ocasio-Cortez models empowerment and positive transformation by wielding her personal and positional power. She says “No” to the lies and distortions and yes to her own power.
The Role of Community and Validation
Gathering community and connecting with a positive support network is empowering and strengthening. Developing a support system that shares and validates your experiences helps create a safe place to heal.
Ms. Ocasio-Cortez is skillful at gathering community together. She empathizes with trauma survivors and joins with others in that shared space. She is in solidarity with the large community of people who were traumatized at the Capitol Riot that day. People who may develop PTSD from the violence: those who lost eyes, fingers, who hid under tables with the lights out, the families of those who died.
She names, identifies and calls out the extraordinary gaslighting about the Capitol Riot by some elected members of Congress. She says these people saying that we should all move on and it’s no big deal. But she will not have her experience invalidated.
Why Power and Silence Are Linked
Why is the point about power important?
Because in the research literature, power, assault and silence are inextricably linked.
Decades of research show that the existing power structure thrives on the powerless being quiet. The existing power classes, in order to perpetuate their dominance psychologically and in practice, want victims and survivors to be silenced in order to maintain their dominance (Blazer, 1992; Koss, 1985; McAuslan, 1998 as cited in Ahrens, 2006).
Dr. Courtney Ahrens has spent her professional life studying how societal power structures allow some voices to be heard and, thus, maintain the dominant cultural discourse, but disregard and silence other voices.
Dr. Ahrens says that “Silence is thus emblematic of powerlessness in our society.”
A Shift in Power
Women have been slowly gaining access to financial and political power. With the right to vote, to own property, to earn money and build wealth, women have been gaining power in society.
In 2021, a record number of women were elected to the House of Representatives, where Ms. Ocasio-Cortez works. Women make up 51% of the population in the United States. Yet, women still only make up 27.4% of elected representatives in the House.
Women are gaining political power and there is a power shift happening in U.S. society. Assault survivors are coming forward to speak out. The #MeToo movement is indicative of the power owns now have.
Ms. Ocasio-Cortez uses her positional power to reveal her status as a sexual assault survivor, without shame.
As women gain political power, survivors of personal and political gaslighting are speaking out.
It is a positive sign that Ms. Ocasio-Cortez uses her position to reveal the abusive gaslighting that is taking place about the Capitol Riot.
AOC speaking out against personal and political gaslighting is a sign of the shift in power in society. No wonder the existing power class is fighting it.
Why Naming Gaslighting Matters
Gaslighting and DARVO are not abstract concepts—they are mechanisms of power that silence survivors and protect those who abuse power. Whether the context is a private relationship or a public arena, the goal is the same: to distort reality, undermine credibility, and discourage people from speaking about harm.
For survivors of sexual abuse, gaslighting compounds trauma. It teaches silence. It tells survivors that what they experienced was “not that bad,” that they misunderstood, or that naming harm will bring more punishment than relief. Over time, this distortion erodes trust in one’s own perceptions and reinforces powerlessness.
Naming gaslighting interrupts this process. It restores reality. It returns authority to the person who experienced the harm. When survivors recognize DARVO—denial, attack, and reversal of victim and offender—they are better able to protect themselves from internalizing blame and confusion.
Speaking out, whether privately or publicly, is not about revenge or politics. It is about reclaiming truth. It is about refusing to collude with distortion. And it is about shifting power away from those who rely on silence to maintain control.
When survivors are believed, supported, and validated—by individuals, communities, and institutions—the grip of gaslighting weakens. Reality becomes shared again. Healing becomes possible.
Naming abuse, naming gaslighting, and naming power dynamics are acts of psychological self-protection. They matter because silence has never been neutral. Silence has always served power.
And breaking that silence—carefully, intentionally, and with support—is one of the most powerful steps a survivor can take.
For survivors seeking information, validation, or support, organizations such as RAINN offer confidential resources that center survivor safety and autonomy.
Some other articles you may be interested in:
References
Ahrens, C. (2006). Being silenced: The impact of negative social reactions on the disclosure of rape. American Journal of Community Psychology (38), pp. 263-274.
Arabi, S. (2016). Becoming the narcissist’s worst nightmare: How to devalue and discard the narcissist while supplying yourself. SCW Archer Publishing.
Fisher, J. (2017). Healing the fragmented selves of trauma survivors. London and New York: Routledge.
Gordon, S. (2021). What is gaslighting? Retrieved March 1, 2021 from https://www.verywellmind.com/is-someone-gaslighting-you-4147470
National Domestic Violence Hotline (2020). What is gaslighting? Retrieved February 28, 2021 from https://www.thehotline.org/resources/what-is-gaslighting/
Sinha, G.A. (2020). Lies, gaslighting and propaganda. Buffalo Law Review, (68,4). Retrieved February 28, 2021 from https://papers.ssrn.com/sol3/papers.cfm?abstract_id=3550591##
Ullman, S. E. (2010). Talking about sexual assault: Society’s response to survivors. Washington, DC: American Psychological Association
Welch, B. (2018). State of confusion: Political manipulation and the assault on the American mind. New York: Thomas Dune Books
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