What is narcissistic future faking
- Juliette Closson
- 18 minutes ago
- 4 min read
Future faking is a term that has gained attention in recent years, especially in discussions about relationships, narcissism and psychological manipulation. Future faking refers to making promises about a wonderful future that are usually not fulfilled. The promises are used to manipulate and control others.
Future faking can be subtle or overt, and its repetitive effects are damaging. Understanding this concept helps individuals recognize manipulative patterns in their relationships and take steps to protect themselves from emotional harm. If your partner makes promises repeatedly, but you find you are disappointed over and over, as the promises don't materialize, you may be dating a narcissist, or someone with narcissistic traits, who doesn't mind lying in order to manipulate their relationship with you.
What Is Future Faking?
Future faking involves making promises or statements about wonderful future events, plans, or commitments that the person does not intend to keep. This behavior is often seen in personal relationships but can also appear in professional and social contexts or in parasocial relationships.
People who engage in future faking use these false promises to gain trust, affection, or compliance from others. The promises may include plans for marriage, career opportunities, financial support, or lifestyle changes. The key aspect is that these promises are made to manipulate or control, rather than to genuinely commit. Future faking creates an unhealthy relationship dynamic of false hope and co-dependency.
Examples of Future Faking
A partner promising to move in together or get married soon but never following through.
A manager promising a promotion or raise to motivate an employee without any real intention to deliver.
A friend promising support or help in the future but consistently failing to show up.
Psychological and Emotional Impacts of Future Faking
Future faking can cause significant emotional distress. When someone relies on promises that never materialize, it leads to confusion, disappointment, lowered self-esteem and co-dependency. The person being faked out starts to question their judgment or feels trapped in a cycle of hope and letdown. When confronted with their lies, the future faker is skillfully uses obfuscation. First, they gaslight, denying their partner's logic/reality. Then, they lovebomb their partner using a confusing mixture of lies laced with love and sex.
Emotional Effects
Confusion and Doubt: Victims often struggle to understand why promises are broken, leading to self-doubt.
Anxiety and Stress: The uncertainty about the future can cause ongoing anxiety.
Loss of Trust: Repeated future faking damages trust in the partner and in people in general
Emotional Dependency: Victims may cling to the mixture of love and lies that creates false hopes, making it hard to leave the unhealthy situation
Academic Insights on Future Faking
Several studies have explored the dynamics of future faking and its role in manipulative relationships. Here are three key academic sources that shed light on this behavior:
The Role of Manipulation in Narcissistic Relationships
According to Campbell and Foster (2007), individuals with narcissistic personality traits often use future faking as a manipulation strategy. They create idealized visions of the future to attract and control partners, but these promises are rarely fulfilled. This behavior helps maintain the narcissist’s sense of power and control.
Impact on Emotional Well-Being
A study by Dutton and Painter (1993) examined the emotional effects of manipulative promises in abusive relationships. They found that victims of future faking experience heightened emotional distress and confusion and co-dependency, which can prolong their attachment to the abuser despite ongoing harm.
Cognitive Dissonance and Future Faking
Festinger’s theory of cognitive dissonance is seminal research (1957) which explains the psychological dynamic of why victims continue to believe in false promises.
When reality conflicts with expectations, people experience discomfort and may rationalize or deny the truth to reduce this tension. In addition, the faker usually creates an irresistible mixture of love and lies that make walking away difficult. Hearing promises over and over again, even if they don't come to fruition, reinforces the dysfunctional relationship bond. These dynamics of emotional defensiveness, rationalization, mixed with love and sex, help explain why future faking can trap individuals in unhealthy relationships.
Recognizing Future Faking in Your Life
Identifying future faking is the first step toward protecting yourself. Here are some signs to watch for:
Frequent promises about the future with no follow-up actions.
Vague or inconsistent details about plans.
Feeling pressured to wait or stay hopeful despite evidence to the contrary.
Emotional rollercoaster caused by hope and disappointment cycles.
How to Respond to Future Faking
If you suspect someone is future faking, consider these steps:
Set clear boundaries: Do not accept promises without concrete plans or actions.
Ask for evidence: Request specific details and timelines.
Trust your instincts: If something feels off, pay attention to those feelings.
Seek support: Talk to trusted friends, family, or professionals.
Prioritize your OWN well-being: Focus on your emotional health and consider distancing yourself if necessary.
Moving Forward After Future Faking
Healing from the effects of future faking takes time and detoxing period. It involves rebuilding your sense of self, which was weakened by the heady combination of lies and gaslighting, mixed with the strong emotions of love and sex. It is imperative that you focus on rebuilding yourself and your own life.
Getting away from a narcissitic relationship often means going no contact, so that the reciprocal codependent emotional patterns do not get reactivated. The focus needs to be on building your sense of self Activities such as pursuing healthy friendships and joining safe community groups, developing interests of your own, and then learning to cautiously trust yourself and then others. Strengthen your sense of self, before trying to look for healthy relationship patterns.
Therapy or counseling can be helpful, especially when future faking has caused deep emotional wounds. Support groups and educational resources also provide valuable guidance.
Future faking is a manipulative behavior that can cause lasting emotional harm. By understanding what it is and how it operates, individuals can better protect themselves and make informed decisions about their relationships. Recognizing the signs and responding with clear boundaries helps break the cycle of false promises and emotional manipulation.
References
Campbell, W. K., & Foster, J. D. (2007). The narcissistic self: Background, an extended agency model, and ongoing controversies. In C. Sedikides & S. J. Spencer (Eds.), The self (pp. 115-138). Psychology Press.
Dutton, D. G., & Painter, S. L. (1993). Emotional attachments in abusive relationships: A test of traumatic bonding theory. Violence and Victims, 8(2), 105-120.
Festinger, L. (1957). A theory of cognitive dissonance. Stanford University Press.
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