DBT Check the Facts: Separating What Happened From What We Assume
- Kathy Morelli
- 1 day ago
- 4 min read
DBT Check the Facts Skill: Separating Emotions From Assumptions
The DBT Skill Check the Facts is part of the DBT Emotional Regulation skillset. Stress, emotional pain and interpersonal drama is often caused by misunderstandings and our mis-interpretation of events. Becoming aware of our misinterprations of the facts helps us proceed more effectively and skillfully and be happier in our everyday relationships.
The Check the Facts exercise forces you to slow down and consider other interpretations of a situation that is causing you distress. You take a step back before reacting, then review your own thougths and feelings about the situation, consider other interpretations about the situation, and then consider more useful and skillful thoughts and feelings about the situation.
When you choose to proceed with a thoughtful re-interpretation of the situation, that you become more emotionally regulated. Your physiology slows down and you think more clearly when your nervous system is regulated.
Let's start with a Check the Facts example.
You probably practice Check the Facts in some form already while navigating your everyday life!
Example: DBT Check the Facts
Situation: I sent a message and didn’t hear back for two days.
Emotion: Anxiety and shame (8/10).
Facts: I sent the message. Two days passed without a response.
Assumptions: “I did something wrong.” “They don’t want to talk to me.”
Other possibilities: They may be busy or haven’t seen the message yet.
Check: My emotions feel stronger than what the facts alone show.
Next step: Pause, use a grounding skill, and wait for more information.
How to Practice DBT Check the Facts Exercise Step by Step
Step 1: Pause and Notice What’s Happening
Before analyzing anything, take one small pause. If you’re activated, you can place a hand on your chest or feel your feet on the floor.Then name what you notice:
What emotion is here (fear, shame, anger, sadness, numbness)?
What is your body doing (tight chest, racing heart, frozen, restless)?
What is the urge (withdraw, defend, people-please, lash out, shut down)?
Sometimes it's hard to name your emotions, so start with the body feelings. The body often speaks first.
Step 2: Describe the Situation Using Only Observable Facts
Write or say the facts as if a camera recorded them—no mind-reading, no conclusions.
Ask:
What did I see or hear?
What was said or done—exactly?
What is the timeline (what happened first, next, last)?
Facts sound like:
“They didn’t respond to my message for two days.”
“My supervisor said, ‘We need to talk tomorrow.’”
Not facts (these are interpretations):
“They don’t care about me.”
“I’m in trouble.”
Step 3: Gently Identify Your Interpretations and Assumptions
Now list what your mind added to the facts. You are not “wrong”—it’s the brain trying to protect you. However, it's healthy to reinterpret events realistically instead of clinging to beliefs that are not fact based.
Please note that if you have trauma history, your brain may fill in blanks quickly. That’s a survival strategy, not a character flaw.
Common assumption categories:
Mind-reading (“They think I’m incompetent.”)
Predicting the future (“This will end badly.”)
Self-blame (“It’s my fault.”)
Threat scanning (“Something bad is about to happen.”)
Step 4: Check for Trauma Echoes or Old Learning
This step is optional—but powerful. You may be re-enacting habituated responses that need psychological maturing and updating.
Ask:
Does this feeling remind me of something from the past?
Am I responding to now, or to an older experience that’s being activated?
Is my body reacting as if I’m unsafe, even if I’m not in danger right now?
This isn’t about forcing insight. It’s simply noticing whether the nervous system may be responding to an old template.
Step 5: Consider Alternative Explanations
Without dismissing your feelings, name 2–3 other possibilities that could also fit the facts.
Example:
“They may be busy or overwhelmed.”
“They may not have seen my message.”
“They may need time before responding.”
This step widens perspective. It does not require you to pick the “most positive” explanation—just more than one.
Step 6: Ask: Do My Emotions Fit the Facts?
Now check the match between:
Emotion intensity (0–10)
What the facts actually show
Questions:
If someone else had these facts, what emotion would make sense?
Is my reaction larger than what the facts alone would predict?
Is the emotion valid and possibly amplified by stress, trauma, or fatigue?
Important: Emotions are always valid signals. “Not fitting the facts” doesn’t mean “not real.” It means “this may not be only about this moment.”
Step 7: Choose Your Next Skillful Step
Once you have more clarity, decide what would help most right now:
If emotions do fit the facts:
Problem-solve
Set a boundary
Use interpersonal effectiveness (DEAR MAN / FAST)
Take protective action if needed
If emotions don’t fully fit the facts (or feel amplified):
Use regulation first (TIPP, grounding, self-soothing)
Use self-compassion and slow down
Wait before responding
Ask for more information rather than assuming
A simple closing question:
“Given the facts, what is the kindest and most effective next step?”
Rmember the Check the Facts is an Emotion Regulation exercise that gives your space to honor your thoughts and feelings and re-adjust to a situation without behaving impulsively.