I guess you all know by now that the two celebrities, Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain, took their own lives this past week. Of course, these two celebrities were not in my social circle, but their deaths affected me. As a person and as a therapist, of course I understand that wealth and success don’t inoculate a person from suffering and suicidal thoughts. And, still….
Although I know the literature and the clinical warning signs of suicide, although I’ve had many clients describe their suicidal ideation and their state before an actual attempt, I still don’t truly understand the depths of what drives a person to actually complete a suicide. I’ve been depressed several times in my life and felt hopeless and like I’d hit bottom and had suicidal ideation, but never went through with action.
The grief never ends for the people left behind.
Last year, someone completed suicide in our close inner circle. The ripples affected so many people. I’m still disturbed by how there were virtually no hints…no apparent depression and no outreach for help in the preceding months.
I feel nauseated as I write this, as I feel like I should have known somehow, and then somehow I could’ve stopped it.
And also because this person…if this person had known how many people are affected and how strongly affected, and how much this person is missed, then this person would know s/he was loved and needed. A year later and the loss has just begun.
I want to say to this person…
If only I could tell you how much you are missed, how much we look forward to your footsteps on the stairs in our house, and wish to hear your voice and laughter in the hallway…If only I could tell you how sorely you are missed.